Peter Howell: ‘Renfield’ gushes fountains of blood, but it’s not all that funny or scary

Renfield

Directed by Chris McKay. Written by Ryan Ridley and Robert Kirkman. Starring Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage, Awkwafina, Ben Schwartz, Adrian Martinez and Shohreh Aghdashloo. Written by Ryan Ridley. Directed by Chris McKay. Opens Friday at Toronto theatres. 93 minutes. 14A

A therapist asks an evil-but-conflicted man to describe his relationship with his father. The evil one bloviates a reply, saying his dad “would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy.”

It’s an absurdly hilarious scene from the first “Austin Powers” movie, between Carrie Fisher (RIP) and Mike Myers as Dr. Evil. Such inspired mirth is regrettably not found in “Renfield,” a new cinema story about Count Dracula and his titular manservant that is, at once, a toothless vampire comedy, the most gory rom-com ever and a bit of a letdown.

The therapy scene in “Renfield,” in which Nicholas Hoult plays Dracula’s obedient-but-resentful gofer, finds him moaning to a 12-step group about his “toxic relationship” with his boss, whom he met more than a century ago.

Flashbacks, including one that references the original Bela Lugosi Dracula films, reveal how Renfield received eternal life and superhuman strength from the Lord of Death in exchange for procuring him a steady bloody supply of human victims, the more innocent the better. But nothing Renfield does ever really seems to satisfy the Count.

It’s all about Dracula, in other words, and man, can the 12-steppers relate to dealing with narcissists! Then the Count himself crashes the session and things get considerably messier.

This should be a geyser of laughs and not just the fountain of blood that sprays out of a ridiculous number of scenes. The fact that it’s not all that amusing seems more the fault of the director (Chris McKay, “The LEGO Batman Movie”) and the screenwriter (Ryan Ridley, “Ghosted”) rather than the actors.

Nicolas Cage was born to be the Count: with his bilious face, spiked teeth and ring-adorned claws, he looks every bit the natural heir to Lugosi as he proudly proclaims, “I. Am. Dracula!” And he certain knows all the tricks narcissists employ, such as when he gaslights Renfield by telling him, “I’m not the monster, you are!”

Fun fact: although Cage has played all kinds of strange characters, he’s only once previously done a bloodsucker, and a pseudo one at that, in the 1988 comedy “Vampire’s Kiss.”

Hoult plays the obsequious Renfield like the Hugh Grant of 30 years ago. He’s an entirely engaging and sympathetic figure despite the fact he gets his superpowers by munching on bugs and other vermin and — despite a growing sense of dissatisfaction with his job — willingly rounds up victims for Dracula to feed on.

The movie stumbles onto unsteady ground with a half-baked subplot involving crime in New Orleans, where the story is set. More corrupt even than Gotham City, it’s a place where even vampires don’t seem strange.

The Lobo crime family, led by drug lord Ella (Shohreh Aghdashloo) and her dim-witted son Teddy (Ben Schwartz), have the paid-off cops at their beck and call, so much so they can commit murder and get away with it. They take Dracula to be a kindred spirit — there’s mutual appreciation happening — even after he makes a meal of a number of their stooges.

Corruption runs deep — a sign in the police station reads “Don’t solve the crime till overtime” — but there’s one good officer who wants to sweep away the sleaze.

That’s Rebecca Quincy (Awkwafina), whose straight-arrow police officer dad was murdered by the Lobos. Her beef with them is professional but mainly personal, and not even you-know-who is going to stop her from stopping them.

Quincy and Renfield share a common cause that begins to blossom with interesting romantic and comic possibilities. After a bloody barroom battle with the Lobos, one of many such action scenes, they bond over Renfield’s head-severing skills: “It’s all in the wrist,” he says.

The movie squanders a lot of its potential. It’s not all that funny nor all that scary, but it is exceedingly violent.

With a 93-minute running time, it’s that rare film that should have been longer or at least have had a stronger tale to tell. “Renfield” runs out of story long before it runs out of blood.

Star contributor Peter Howell is a movie critic in Toronto. Follow on Twitter: @peterhowellfilm.

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