Toni Collette of ‘Mafia Mamma’ has learned the value of self-acceptance, just like her character

At 50, Toni Collette is thriving, picking roles that are meaningful to her and never letting herself be defined by the industry with career choices that range from drama to comedy, horror and everything in between — and she delivers in spades.

So how does it feel to be at this stage of her career? “F–king fantastic,” she replied without missing a beat.

Collette stars in the fiercely funny comedy “Mafia Mamma” as Kristin Balbano Jordan, a people-pleasing housewife in need of change when her son goes off to college, her marriage falls apart and her job means having to listen to misogynistic men.

When she is notified of her estranged grandfather’s death in Italy, she goes to attend the funeral — and hopefully spark an “Eat, Pray, Love”-style romantic adventure — but soon discovers the family “business” is organized crime and she has to take over, per her grandfather’s wishes.

Speaking in a virtual interview, Collette said she loves stories about change, and people learning to live better lives and respect themselves.

“We’re not here for very long, but making the movie for me I’ve never had so much fun. It was just profoundly joyous and I’ll never forget it. Rome will always be in my heart … It’s just one of the most magical, elating experiences of my life; it was a total high.”

“Mafia Mamma” is in many ways an empowering, feminist comedy, and the actor dives right in and adds colour to the role, drawing many laughs. Collette’s Kristin goes on a journey of finding and accepting herself while discovering an inner strength she didn’t know she had.

The actor has always known she had a certain amount of internal strength, noting it was perhaps more self-love “and allowing myself to enjoy life, not being so hard on myself, not trying to control things, just listening and allowing things to happen and noticing opportunities.”

“I think we all have a certain amount of personal power and strength. But I think, as women, it’s not always encouraged. We’re born into this patriarchal world and things have not been equal. We’re trying to balance things out now. We’ve made some headway, but there’s still a long way to go.”

The Golden Globe and Emmy winner has been in the industry for more than three decades and has worked on herself, noting, “It’s not comfortable sometimes because you have to face all kinds of truths and you really have to know yourself, the good, the bad and the ugly. And when you do that work, that’s where you do find strength.”

It’s what makes her speak her truth today, unlike her younger self.

“I’m 50 now. I made my first film when I was 17 years old and the industry has changed. I’ve changed and I like myself and I accept myself. So when I’m in situations that don’t sit right, I feel fine about speaking up. I remember being so nervous about speaking up. I just always assumed that everybody else knew better when I was in my late teens and in my 20s,” she said.

There’s a moment in the film when Collette’s character says, “I inherited an opportunity to fulfil my purpose … I inherited me.” The Australian-born actor could relate to that moment, calling it a pinnacle of the movie.

This film marks the second time Collette worked with director Catherine Hardwicke. The first was “Miss You Already” in 2015. Collette said the director never forces ideas on anyone and her thinking is unique.

“I really love that little speech … We’re all so hard on ourselves. We always think someone else knows better, or that we should do better or we should strive to achieve. No, we shouldn’t. All we have to do is stop and be with ourselves and accept ourselves and that’s the most important thing. Your life will be so much happier if you can do that.”

“The way that she tells stories is just … there’s nobody like her, she is authentic and she is wild, endlessly creative and very exciting to work with. It just makes you feel like you can go for it and try anything. It’s very inspiring.”

This project won’t be their last together, she added.

Collette, who earned an Oscar nomination in 2000 for “The Sixth Sense,” has taken risks with her career, taking a wide range of roles, like the fierce mother in “Hereditary” and the wellness guru in Rian Johnson’s ”Knives Out.”

She began her career in the early ’90s, getting acclaim for her performance in the 1994 comedy “Muriel’s Wedding.” Soon after that film, she was offered another very similar to role, but she’s glad she didn’t do it.

“Because the minute you start doing that, people just assume it’s all you can do. And unwittingly I set myself up for a career of diversity. I think any artist needs to have that freedom. I really think any actor worth their salt should be able to play anything.”

Her experience has made her appreciate where to draw the line when it comes to work-life balance.

“When I was younger, I would just fling myself into anything, just jump in and go for it. And you do things that are dangerous, that are emotionally kind of destructive and exhausting. But as I get older, I just protect myself more.”

For example, unless it’s crucial to wrapping a film, she generally says no to coming in early as she needs the preparation time, and time to cuddle her kids and get a proper night’s sleep, which ultimately benefits the film.

“I know, at this point, my career isn’t gonna go away. There’s such a beautiful, safe sense of gratitude in that. I am so lucky to be in this position. And so now I’m lucky to be able to choose the types of roles I work on.

“This film is just a beacon of light; to be able to put that out into the world knowing that I will help make people feel good is such a good feeling. And I want to do more of that. Every film, no matter the genre, has a different purpose and I really only try to work on things that are meaningful to me. To really make people laugh and feel good is one of the best things I could do.”

When it comes to the future of female actors in Hollywood, Collette is hopeful.

“It’s been incredible, even in my time, to watch the differences and the changes that are taking place, because there weren’t as many really complex, meaty, female roles. They just weren’t. The types of stories that are being told, the types of people that are being seen and represented, it’s all changing.”

Marriska Fernandes is a Toronto-based entertainment reporter and film critic. She is a freelance contributor for the Star’s Culture section. Follow her on Twitter: @marrs_fers

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