Vinay Menon: Julia Fox’s absolute dump of an apartment is a balm for my soul

Architectural Digest can safely blacklist Julia Fox.

The actor and model is no longer in the running for “The Best Celebrity Homes of All Time.” It’s possible she may end up on a future episode of “Hoarders.”

Ms. Fox jumped on TikTok this week — will people ever wise up to the privacy risks of that platform? — to invite fans on a journey into her living conditions.

Or as she put it: “Come with me on a very underwhelming apartment tour!”

When we fantasize about the lifestyles of the rich and famous, we picture infinity pools and helipads. The opulence is always off the charts. The sprawling properties are so big they have their own postal codes. The features are so bonkers that Architectural Digest can usually squeeze in a compilation every year: Oprah commissioned a “wine cellar built to mimic a mining tunnel.” John Travolta’s love of aviation means his home boasts “two runways in the backyard.”

Imagine living next door and grilling as a Boeing 727 thunders over the fence.

Bill Gates has six kitchens. Drake has an indoor basketball court. Paris Hilton has multiple mansions, including one for her dogs. Lil Wayne has a shark lagoon.

It’s all as unrelatable as Shaq’s 30-foot custom bed.

Come on. He’s not that tall. Is he spooning with a T-Rex?

Enter Julia Fox. And when it’s time to exit, please help her navigate the cluttered hallway before she twists an ankle. Unlike other celebrity pads in New York, she does not have a private elevator for her car, à la Nicole Kidman.

It’s not clear if Ms. Fox even has a car.

Or matching towels, chairs not rescued from the curb and windows that open.

Her living room is her bedroom. Her bed looks like it was ransacked by wild boars. There is a cramped “playroom” for her two-year-old son, who presumably enjoys playing with a clothes rack and old flyers. There is a “nostalgia mirror” in which a few unframed photos are tucked into the beveled edges, as if this is a college dorm.

The ashes of a friend who passed away dangle in a necklace urn. On a dresser, there are two plants that have also clearly died. This place makes my first apartment seem like Hearst Castle. If Shaq is ever visiting Fox and needs to use the facilities, he is advised to bring a chainsaw to semicircle the doorway before attempting to pretzel into a lavatory the size of a Kia rooftop cargo box.

After taking this “underwhelming apartment tour,” I did have some concerns.

Fox mentioned a “mouse problem.” But her rodent philosophy would earn an A-plus from PETA: “I appreciate that they, um, that at night, while we are sleeping, they come out to clean up the crumbs that my son drops on the floor.”

I guess that makes sense, Cinderella. Or maybe invest in a Dustbuster?

Is this why Fox and Kanye West broke up last year after their tabloid dalliance?

Ye was over one night, perched on a bundle of twigs, and then Stuart Little scampered into the kitchen with a twitchy hankering for Goldfish Crackers? Ye opened a cupboard to grab a crystal snifter and a raccoon was playing Jenga with chopsticks?

Fox says there are no plans “to evict the mice anytime soon.” Her call. She might want to Google “leptospirosis.” Or maybe put Mr. Clean on retainer?

But you know what? Julia Fox’s absolute dump is a balm for my soul.

How refreshing to see a celebrity who is hostile to materialism: “I don’t like excessive displays of wealth. They make me feel icky. Um, you know, especially people who have really big houses. It’s just really wasteful when there are so many homeless people in this country. I’m not really like that.”

She made me feel guilty about owning throw pillows.

Fox is so against waste that, at the CFDA Fashion Awards in November, she didn’t even bother to wear an entire dress. There was a big hole that exposed her bra and panties. I bet she turned that discarded fabric into a welcome mat for rats.

I think I’m falling for this beautiful slob. As one of the nearly 25,000 comments on her video noted this week: “I love it when people show a home that looks lived in!!!”

Yes!!! It certainly looks lived in by hobos and chaos theory. But that’s why Fox is so delightful: she is relatable in an age when the boldface all seem to hail from Pluto.

As she said in the video: “Maybe someone can watch this and be like, ‘OK, well, maybe I’m not doing so bad.’” What a considerate angel.

I’m assuming this is truly her apartment and not the living quarters of a servant who is tasked with bidding on Hermés Birkin bags that are stored in a diamond vault on a property that includes 50 bedrooms and a waterpark with submarine port. I’m assuming she really inhabits a humble abode that has less square footage than Kylie Jenner’s backup closet for shunned stilettos.

Celebrity homes are usually grandiose monuments to material excess.

Julia Fox might as well be shacked up inside a Panda Express.

Unlike every other celebrity, she is living like the rest of us.

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