Solve this “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle: “P*T S*J*K IS R*TIRI*G.”
That’s right! Pat Sajak is retiring. He tweeted his plans this week: “Well, the time has come. I’ve decided that our 41st season, which begins in September, will be my last. It’s been a wonderful ride, and I’ll have more to say in the coming months …”
Not sure what more there is to say. Sajak, who started hosting the popular game show when Reagan was in the White House, is a TV fixture. This wasn’t a job — it was his identity for decades. His nightly dreams must begin with a brain graphic to reveal if the REM category will be “Before & After” or “Fun & Games.” When his microwave beeps after reheating lasagna, Sajak probably blurts out, “Why, yes, there is one L!”
While everyone deserves to retire, not everyone should.
Even if you did not watch “Wheel of Fortune,” there was comfort in knowing Sajak and Vanna White, his letter-turning muse, were locked in the same routine since 1983. Sajak was a cultural anchor in an increasingly turbulent world. There he was, every weeknight at 7, a wiseacre with impish dimples and an open mic vibe.
It’s not that Mr. Sajak is irreplaceable. A chatbot could replicate the banal small talk while parroting the monotonous guesses of contestants: “Is there a T?” And Sajak is rich enough to have a giant roulette wheel installed in his walk-in closet should he ever miss the gig and want to spin to see what he should wear that morning: “Jogging pants and a fedora it shall be.”
Vanna could swing by thrice a week to stiletto-step around his living room with a satchel of cardboard letters as they chortle and re-enact favourite memories. This might include last year’s epic fail, the weirdest two minutes in “Wheel” history, when all contestants gazed at the mostly revealed “Phrase” puzzle — “ANOTHER FEATHER *N YO*R *A*” — and were as stumped as Andy Dick at a Spanish Spelling Bee.
Another feather in your … hat?
Another feather in your … map?
Another feather in your … dad?
Speaking of feathers, here’s the real reason Pat Sajak should not retire: He is in grave danger of morphing into a right wing loon. I base this prediction strictly on the trajectory of other retired game show hosts. It’s as if every retired accountant from H&R Block ended up getting swallowed up by the culture wars.
One day, Ben Stein is encouraging contestants to win his money. Then this year, he’s ranting about how he misses seeing a “large African-American woman” on his bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup. All righty. Wink Martindale once hosted “Tic-Tac-Dough.” In 2015, his rawhide face and picket-fence teeth introduced Donald Trump at a campaign event. How do you go from “Bumper Stumpers” to stumping for the MAGA cult?
Chuck Woolery, the original “Wheel of Fortune” host who later smirk-presided over “Love Connection,” “Scrabble” and “The Dating Game,” is now a strident mouthpiece for conservative causes. Peer into his heart and the NRA will start shooting.
There is nothing wrong with any of this. Everyone is entitled to lean left or right. It’s just strange how so many retired male game show hosts end up resembling Fox News hosts after the syndicated cameras are gone. Even the late Alex Trebek, an independent, donated to Republican politicians.
Does Bob Eubanks secretly miss Richard Nixon?
Hollywood is often stereotyped as a bastion of liberal excess and hypocrisy. Retired game show hosts are the notable exception to this rule. And from tweets about climate change to posing for a photo with Marjorie Taylor Greene, Sajak has already revealed glimpses of his I*E*L*GY. “Wheel of Fortune” at least provided behavioural guardrails. Yes, he’d occasionally make headlines for a snippy comment or putting a contestant in a headlock or asking Vanna if she watches opera in the buff.
But the controversy would fizzle because a new episode was coming tomorrow.
In retirement, Sajak will find himself missing the spotlight while liberated to tweet whatever poppycock crosses his addled mind. This is a perilous combo. Will he whinge about military aid to Ukraine? Will he crack dementia jokes about Joe Biden? Will he spitball ideas for kiddie books that should be banned while penning Unabomber manifestos about drag shows? Will he go trophy hunting with Donnie Jr. and Eric?
Sajak needs to rethink his retirement. Sir, just keep at the TV game until they need to wheel you off the “Wheel” sound stage. Put it this way: Donald Trump was once a game show host. Now he’s a one-term president facing criminal charges for recklessly treating classified docs like they were cue cards on “The Price Is Right.”
I don’t know what it is about taping multiple shows a day for years in which strangers compete for money and prizes. But retired game show hosts do not fare well upon re-entry to the quotidian grind. They lose perspective. They get cranky and wacky.
Pat Sajak’s loved ones should stage an intervention before a new host is named.
This man needs “Wheel of Fortune” more than it ever needed him.
Game show hosts do not retire. They just reinvent as right wing loons.
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